Pam's Back

Literally, this is Pam's back (walking through the hospital parking deck leaving today's treatment).
You can kind of see that the left side of her back is darker, kind of red. The burn from the radiation has been significant, some on the back, more on her chest and a ton under her arm. At this point though, the four field burn has ended so those areas will get to heal. The only area still being radiated are her scars on the front. So let the healing begin.


Radiation (substantial amount, but not an overdose) surprised Pam by how tiring it has been. Last week she hit a wall and had a horrible week. This week is much better, probably because she is three days into a lesser treatment. Right now she only has six more treatments, the last will be on Fri. July 31st.


It has been a trudge, but she is ok. Just like we figured, the treatments pretty much ruled Pam's summer.


The next step is hormone therapy, tamoxifen to be specific. The idea of starting it is really a bummer for her and she is wanting to delay it if she can. Subjecting herself to another toxin that is sure to come with more side effects is really not something she wants to do right now. We will see what happens.


More to come.

C323

There are positives

So Pam had cancer. She thought she beat it and it came back. Negative/negative. Our lives were changed. We as a family went from dull & boring to sick & dull & boring. Cancer has had a huge impact on pretty much every facet of our lives, so many negatives, yet there are positives.

This recurrence was horrible to discover. With it came some serious and justified fears. Ask any cancer patient and they will vouch for how difficult this disease and its treatments can be. Pam didn't look forward to more surgeries and treatments not just for herself, but for all of us.

Pam hit the halfway point of the radiation this week and during her exam with her radiation oncologist (this afternoon), he said she is fit to press on. This summer was really Pam's concern. Chemotherapy during the spring was easier than the first time and was nicely hidden during school hours when it didn't directly affect Josh and Erin. But during the summer, Pam knew it was going to be tough to keep the kids lives normal while devoting several hours each day to going to the hospital for the radiation. What happened was an unexpected positive.

While Pam has trekked to Peoria each day, our kids have been taken in by friends. A play date of sorts nearly every day of the summer. Our kids are very comfy and secure at home and actually some days it is tough for them, Erin especially, to go somewhere. But each day she returns having had a great few hours of connecting with old friends and new. Our fears of this being the summer of misery, unfun in every way for our kids, have been dashed. Pam isn't up for making every baseball game Josh plays in (his schedule was greatly expanded over last years 20 games to about 3 times that), but she has been able to enjoy many thanks to some cooler weather. Erin has gotten to the pool enough times so far to not miss it (thanks in large part to the Bergens and their cement pond).

We have a lot of people who have been so helpful each week. The Bergen, Endres, Waller and Crose families have locked in days to keep the kids. The Boomers and L's fill in the gaps often, as well as many others, like the Benson and Jackson families. (If I didn't mention you by name, just wait, it's probably because I am planning to mention you in a later post along with an embarrassing photo.) You don't know how much concern you have removed from our minds as Pam disappears to the hospital each day.

Thanks for bringing out the positives we didn't think existed.

"And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them." Mark 10:16

At the risk of sounding depressing...

15 down, 22 radiation treatments to go. Everyday, the same thing. The fifteen minute procedure takes the entire morning when you consider the drive there and back and the little bit of waiting. The fatigue that was advertised to go with the radiation has set in. Pam is finding it harder and harder to do things. She never really regained any energy after chemo in the first place. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, yada.



In the past couple of weeks, besides the daily treatment ritual, Pam has done a few other things in a limited sense. She made it to the Relay for Life in Chillicothe, barely. The survivors march started a few minutes early and we arrived as they were lining up. She made her lap in non-record time, losing to all but about two of the other survivors. It is like she didn't even try to beat any of them around the track. I was tempted to yell "DIG, USE YOUR ARMS, NOW!" but I realized I wasn't actually supposed to coach her and it wasn't really a race (although I do think she could have done pretty well, there were only a few people younger than her running in the race...I mean walking the survivors lap). It was a nice evening. Pam isn't usually a big Relayer, not sure why. She is more motivated to do the St. Jude events. I suppose it's because she doesn't want the attention.

Our anniversary was one week ago. We celebrated it at Josh's baseball game. The week prior we had gone to a movie, so we called it good. We were married in 1991, that was last century. But as much as things have changed since then, a lot of the things have stayed the same. On our wedding night we stayed in the bridal suite at Jumer's in Peoria. We were there only a few minutes when Pam asked if I wanted to order Domino's. Pam has pretty much survived off of pizza ever since. It is the one food she has always maintained a taste for. We were crazy healthy people then and when we said our traditional vows of "in sickness and in health," I have to tell you, I never figured we would be dealing with "in sickness" when I said it. Two days after the wedding we were driving to Miami. I humbled myself and admitted to Pam that I was too tired to drive at one point. So she took over. I awoke when my body sensed the car slowing. My eyes opened and focused on the speedometer needle that was dropping, yet hadn't hit 90 mph yet. I have no idea how high it had gone. Like I said, some things never change. Things are difficult these days, but we will get through, firm in the same faith in God we had back then when George Bush was president (the first one).

Pam is missing her favorite season right now. She can't really enjoy being out in the heat. That is tough for her, she LOVES summer. The chemo drug Taxol has continued to work as she is in the process of losing all of her fingernails. Her hair is beginning to return, kind of blond (last time after chemo it came back almost black). She is hoping her eyebrows and eyelashes come back soon. Still some blood in her nose from the Avastin. Her doctors said her power-port could come out anytime, but they recommend she keep it in for a little longer, just in case. She opted out of the permanent tattoo markings for the radiation, not wanting another lifelong reminder of all of this, so she has large X's drawn with Sharpie's and covered with clear plastic adhesive disks on her torso for the duration (they are used to line up the lasers that define the radiation field...pretty important). If you really asked her she would tell you she just wants to be normal again. The fun of being the cancer patient has worn thin.

The fatigue is doing her in and starting this week she is getting rides to radiation. It is wonderful to have a community of friends willing to help. She/we couldn't get through this without you all.

"But you dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit." Jude 20

The machines are getting bigger

It began today, radiation therapy. #1 of 37. Every weekday until July 30th, maybe later if any days are missed. It is going to be a monotonous long summer to say the least. Pam isn't really looking forward to it. Treatments are being done in the hospital, and the hospital is just a little bit more cold, a little too full of people, a little less private. But she has to do it.

This time in between chemo and radiation, prompted Pam to do more research before beginning this new chapter (she has never had radiation before). And when you research cancer, especially recurrent cancer, you find a lot of stuff that just isn't very uplifting. Pam shared with me this passage from breast cancer guru Dr. Susan Love (scroll down to Local Recurrence After Mastectomy). See what I mean? But she will remain upbeat and positive. She will. Her faith is not wavering.

The radiation folks, Bob and his dark haired young friend (whose name I forgot of course) do their best to keep Pam comfy and informed. They know their equipment and procedures well. The plan for Pam is well thought out and meticulously detailed. I was given a total play-by-play of each move they made, and I was even allowed to watch a monitor in the control booth, safe behind an 8 inch thick door that separated Pam from us. The radiation comes from four different angles, three from the sides, glancing blows trying to minimize hitting vital organs like the lungs, heart and esophagus. Then a shot from under the table through her shoulder to hit the lymph node area. Very interesting. Too bad it is Pam who is the subject of this all.

There will be more to come. Thanks for the prayers.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

radiation overdosing

Pam got a call today from the radiation oncologist. The mapping and planning for her radiation therapy is complete. She will have a run through, and get a tatoo, or two, next Monday, wooo-whooo.

The schedule includes 37 doses of radiation, daily, with the weekends and July 3rd off. Finish date should be around July 30th. That totals 7.5 weeks. This summer will officially stink. But you have to do what you have to do.

Her treatments will be performed at Methodist Hospital at 10:15am each day. Methodist is ordinarily an easy 20 min. drive from our house, but with a timely highway construction project that began June 1st, the drive time is likely to far exceed the norm.

37 doses came as a bit of a surprise. We both thought 30 was the number. Kind of concerning for a husband who grew up in the 70's. I know one problem overdosing on radiation can cause, and it isn't pretty. Pray.