At the risk of sounding depressing...

15 down, 22 radiation treatments to go. Everyday, the same thing. The fifteen minute procedure takes the entire morning when you consider the drive there and back and the little bit of waiting. The fatigue that was advertised to go with the radiation has set in. Pam is finding it harder and harder to do things. She never really regained any energy after chemo in the first place. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, yada.



In the past couple of weeks, besides the daily treatment ritual, Pam has done a few other things in a limited sense. She made it to the Relay for Life in Chillicothe, barely. The survivors march started a few minutes early and we arrived as they were lining up. She made her lap in non-record time, losing to all but about two of the other survivors. It is like she didn't even try to beat any of them around the track. I was tempted to yell "DIG, USE YOUR ARMS, NOW!" but I realized I wasn't actually supposed to coach her and it wasn't really a race (although I do think she could have done pretty well, there were only a few people younger than her running in the race...I mean walking the survivors lap). It was a nice evening. Pam isn't usually a big Relayer, not sure why. She is more motivated to do the St. Jude events. I suppose it's because she doesn't want the attention.

Our anniversary was one week ago. We celebrated it at Josh's baseball game. The week prior we had gone to a movie, so we called it good. We were married in 1991, that was last century. But as much as things have changed since then, a lot of the things have stayed the same. On our wedding night we stayed in the bridal suite at Jumer's in Peoria. We were there only a few minutes when Pam asked if I wanted to order Domino's. Pam has pretty much survived off of pizza ever since. It is the one food she has always maintained a taste for. We were crazy healthy people then and when we said our traditional vows of "in sickness and in health," I have to tell you, I never figured we would be dealing with "in sickness" when I said it. Two days after the wedding we were driving to Miami. I humbled myself and admitted to Pam that I was too tired to drive at one point. So she took over. I awoke when my body sensed the car slowing. My eyes opened and focused on the speedometer needle that was dropping, yet hadn't hit 90 mph yet. I have no idea how high it had gone. Like I said, some things never change. Things are difficult these days, but we will get through, firm in the same faith in God we had back then when George Bush was president (the first one).

Pam is missing her favorite season right now. She can't really enjoy being out in the heat. That is tough for her, she LOVES summer. The chemo drug Taxol has continued to work as she is in the process of losing all of her fingernails. Her hair is beginning to return, kind of blond (last time after chemo it came back almost black). She is hoping her eyebrows and eyelashes come back soon. Still some blood in her nose from the Avastin. Her doctors said her power-port could come out anytime, but they recommend she keep it in for a little longer, just in case. She opted out of the permanent tattoo markings for the radiation, not wanting another lifelong reminder of all of this, so she has large X's drawn with Sharpie's and covered with clear plastic adhesive disks on her torso for the duration (they are used to line up the lasers that define the radiation field...pretty important). If you really asked her she would tell you she just wants to be normal again. The fun of being the cancer patient has worn thin.

The fatigue is doing her in and starting this week she is getting rides to radiation. It is wonderful to have a community of friends willing to help. She/we couldn't get through this without you all.

"But you dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit." Jude 20

The machines are getting bigger

It began today, radiation therapy. #1 of 37. Every weekday until July 30th, maybe later if any days are missed. It is going to be a monotonous long summer to say the least. Pam isn't really looking forward to it. Treatments are being done in the hospital, and the hospital is just a little bit more cold, a little too full of people, a little less private. But she has to do it.

This time in between chemo and radiation, prompted Pam to do more research before beginning this new chapter (she has never had radiation before). And when you research cancer, especially recurrent cancer, you find a lot of stuff that just isn't very uplifting. Pam shared with me this passage from breast cancer guru Dr. Susan Love (scroll down to Local Recurrence After Mastectomy). See what I mean? But she will remain upbeat and positive. She will. Her faith is not wavering.

The radiation folks, Bob and his dark haired young friend (whose name I forgot of course) do their best to keep Pam comfy and informed. They know their equipment and procedures well. The plan for Pam is well thought out and meticulously detailed. I was given a total play-by-play of each move they made, and I was even allowed to watch a monitor in the control booth, safe behind an 8 inch thick door that separated Pam from us. The radiation comes from four different angles, three from the sides, glancing blows trying to minimize hitting vital organs like the lungs, heart and esophagus. Then a shot from under the table through her shoulder to hit the lymph node area. Very interesting. Too bad it is Pam who is the subject of this all.

There will be more to come. Thanks for the prayers.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

radiation overdosing

Pam got a call today from the radiation oncologist. The mapping and planning for her radiation therapy is complete. She will have a run through, and get a tatoo, or two, next Monday, wooo-whooo.

The schedule includes 37 doses of radiation, daily, with the weekends and July 3rd off. Finish date should be around July 30th. That totals 7.5 weeks. This summer will officially stink. But you have to do what you have to do.

Her treatments will be performed at Methodist Hospital at 10:15am each day. Methodist is ordinarily an easy 20 min. drive from our house, but with a timely highway construction project that began June 1st, the drive time is likely to far exceed the norm.

37 doses came as a bit of a surprise. We both thought 30 was the number. Kind of concerning for a husband who grew up in the 70's. I know one problem overdosing on radiation can cause, and it isn't pretty. Pray.

delayed reactions

The two weeks that have passed since the last chemotherapy have been about the worst two week span since the start of it in February. Avastin, the metastatic cancer drug, went down pretty easy, but the side effects continue. That bleeding problem that has been around since the start has gotten worse in the past couple of weeks. Some of the other avastin side effects are even less glamorous and have worsened post chemo also. Taxol didn't stop giving either, as the neuropathy it caused that landed between her ears finally reached her fingers as well, making simple tasks nearly impossible. The list of effects is really quite extensive right now, but I won't bore you with them. It has all resulted in Pam making just a few rare appearances outside the house recently.

So when a rather beat up feeling Pam met with the radiation oncologist a week ago and he said "let's start the radiation right away," it was almost more than Pam could take. Nothing like kicking someone when they are down. She originally believed there would be at least a month between chemo and radiation. Yesterday she had to report to the hospital for her radiation simulation. That is the procedure when the quadrant to be radiated is measured and marked using lasers. A CT scan was performed that will be used to map the area so that the least amount of radiation possible will hit her lung, heart and throat. That mapping is being done now and is expected to be complete next week. That will be the green light for the 6.5 to 7.5 weeks (originally it was 6, but seems to be rising) of radiation to begin. Pam made a mercy plea and asked if the beginning can be delayed. Her doctor agreed without hesitation, so Pam bought herself an extra week to regain some strength and hopefully put some of the chemo side effects behind her.

Most people see Pam and notice the obvious. She is a very attractive woman. Even during this chemo and I am sure through the radiation as well. But she doesn't feel attractive and to a woman that hurts. But it's all in her head. Proof...she was recently asked to model some hats with her friend Gina. Marigold was started with the specific goal of creating caps to adorn the heads of women being treated for breast cancer. Gina was the original inspiration and the hats are becoming a modest fashion hit I hear. When you click on the word Marigold you'll see the back of Pam's head on the third pic of the slideshow. Click on the collection tab to see the great photos of her and Gina (and Callie, Aliesha, and the rest). I am grateful for this photographic proof that she isn't the sad looking cancer patient she fears she has become. Thank you Callie for asking Pam to be a part.

Our dear friend Don Bowen received news just yesterday that his brain tumor has begun to grow again. Whether you know Don or not, I will ask for you to pray for him.

The Lingenfelter family fun summer plans for 2009 have changed greatly from 2008. Our regular trip to St. Cloud and Miami will be replaced by daily trips to the radiation wing of Methodist Hospital. Pam has tabled the thought of her 5th consecutive year of running the St. Jude run, although we will still be raising and participating in other ways (I may run, emphasis on "may"...I am actually carrying all the weight Pam's mind has convinced her she has gained).

Josh will go to camp in Michigan for a week and Erin has a camping trip of her own planned. Pam and I may rent a movie sometime in June and if we put it in the DVD player early enough, I will stay up with Pam to watch the entire thing. So, plans have changed, but remain exciting nonetheless.

Thanks for staying with us on this journey. More about radiation to come.

Enough!

...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 2 Corinthians 1:4-6 NIV



Enough. Pam did it. I had my doubts at the beginning that she would make it, mostly due to her history of over-reacting to each and every drug thrown at her, but she did it. She finished the complete chemotherapy regimen. It wasn't easy and although we are looking back now, it doesn't seem as though time flew. The past 6 months have crept. The next six probably will too. But, step two (the two surgeries can be called #1) is done. A huge thank you to all of you who have supported her, prayed for her and encouraged her.

Last Wednesday went very well. I was supposed to be booked with field trip duties so Pam's folks delivered her to the cancer center. Sheri kept Pam company and watched for reactions. Rachel and Gina showed up to acknowledge the finish. Then they treated Pam to a celebration lunch with even more friends (or was it just Tanya added in? Leesa? idk) It was such a better ending than four years ago when chemo had her stranded in the hospital. So much better.

Pam is tired. Physically the chemo did it's trick. She longs for the strength and energy to run and exercise like last year. Her memory is hit and miss and strangely enough she seems to have pretty sharp long term memories, but the short-term just isn't all that reliable. The blood in her nose has stuck around. Her eyebrows are racing her eyelashes to the floor, giving her the complete cancer patient look she detests. But it's all good. A Porsche without paint is still a beautiful and fantastic car. Amazing Grace is an awesome song even when performed without instruments, maybe even better.

And now, rest for a few weeks, maybe a month or so, then radiation. Pam isn't planning on it being a picnic. The left half of her torso, hip to shoulder to sternum and down again will be nuked. She is guaranteed it will burn and some physical changes are likely. Her love of hot weather is going to be tempered this summer with discomfort, but it is all part of the long term plan of overcoming this cancer. Prayers will continue to be welcomed.

Her blog will continue to let you know how she is progressing. You can have fun watching the hair return (pray with me that it comes in brown with blond highlights, a financial prayer of sorts). I will keep the blog updated as information seems interesting or prayers are needed.

You may wonder why Pam took this pic of Rachel and Sheri in the cancer center in such an odd pose. Respecting the other patients seated all around, Pam was talking quietly to them. Seems both Rachel and Sheri each have hearing problems in at least one ear, Rachel's left, Sheri's right. So they had turned their heads to hear Pam's words better and Pam couldn't resist capturing the moment.