Sleep in Heavenly Peace

I will miss you my friend. I love you man.

No shadow...winter coming

Pam emerged from her room yesterday evening and with her good right arm/hand (her left arm kind of dangles like Woody's from Toy Story) did her hair and changed out of her pajamas. Her goal was to join the rest of us at practice for the Northwoods Christmas Program. The timing of her cancer returning was especially disappointing as it has messed with her ability to participate in the program, something we love to do as a family. The schedule for the practices and performances is daunting and exhausting. But Pam decided she would miss no more.

She was a bit stunned to learn that the temperature was a somewhat coolish 9 outside of her room, but she pressed on. And she made it all the way to this seat in the auditorium and decided that was good enough, she watched from there, trying not to stoke the pain further.

The old and new pains she struggles to manage were making her second guess this trip. She feels bad that she didn't get any farther, that she flinched when friends came to hug, that she cringed when kids rushed near, squeezing and bumping, that she maybe didn't say hi to everyone, but she was satisfied that she did something, and she is determined to return this evening. We'll see how it goes, last night was a short practice, 8-10:30 for us. Tonight is scheduled from 5-???. She knows where to find soft chairs just in case.

Pam did get to see some friends. When not hanging out with Brian Urlacher at Chick-Fil-A, you might find Don Bowen hanging with Pam. Don was last year's Christmas program cancer recipient, getting the news he had brain cancer before one of the 2007 practices. Since then he has had surgeries, treatments and battles with pain. These two WIU alums spent some quality time comparing the drugs they take and the battles they wage, Don's above the neck, Pam's below.

Both were in pain as I took the big photo above, both cranked out great smiles and both are determined to serve God again this Christmas in this program.

Pray for these two, that they are given a break from the pain and healing from cancer.

Hard to swallow pills Chap. 6

Of all the hard times Pam has experienced, this week ranks pretty high. It was one experience to go through cancer the first time. It is oddly the same and dramatically different the second. The emotions, fears and physical trials are all at a higher level. The surgery Monday was successful as the tumors that were discovered were all removed. These tumors by the way, were all discovered by Pam herself. Though she was confident she had beaten the original cancer, she has been diligent these past three years, checking for anything unusual. She first discovered the lump in the lymph area a few weeks ago and a sonogram and biopsy confirmed it. She then found the two other tumors in a different area after the first was confirmed. The tests ordered after the first tumor, PET and chest CT, never lit up the second two tumors. They only showed up with an addtional ultrasound after Pam's discovery. So, there is a lesson there.

This very long and difficult week culminated at an appointment with her oncologist this morning. It was confirmed that all the tumors were cancerous (no scar tissue as hoped). There is cancer in the lymphnodes and lower on her left chest. We had a very good and lengthy discussion and a suggestion was given as to what type of treatment should be most effective. Radition is not an option, leaving chemotherapy and hormone therapy on the board. Pam has a couple weeks of resting and consideration, then we'll meet again with her doctor to finalize the plan. Treatments would begin shortly after the 1st of the year.

Much of the discussion we had centered around the multitude of problems Pam had during and after chemotherapy the first time. To this day she is still battling the damage done by the original chemo. Her doctor is very understanding and any treatment will be custom tailored to her, not standard protocol. Drugs will be different. Administration will be different. He also said that at any point he could stop the process if it looks like a replay of before. Mildly reassuring, but just talking about it made Pam physically sick. The old aversion, to the cancer center building, reignited as we talked. Tough day ending a tough week.

We have spent a lot of time in doctors office waiting rooms. This morning we were in two, and one even had a view. We'll be in them more and more in the months to come. Pam will do what she must to beat her cancer. She will rely on those who care to pray. She asks for specific prayer that the chronic pain and physical damage she has dealt with since the first chemo will be healed...or at a minimum not worsened by the treatment that is coming.

Another prayer is that our kids be protected through this. At 8 and 12, they have a rather good understanding of cancer. They witnessed Pam go through it before and we have several friends battling it now. They know a lot, and knowledge can be scary. So we will do whatever we can to keep their routines the same and news of what Pam is going through real, but optimistic, because we are. Things will be tough but OK.

Our social life has been affected as well. We used to not have one, now we actually talk to people we aren't related to. Go figure.

Surgery Chap. 5

Pam came out of surgery today feeling pretty good (thanks morphine). That was around 11am and now, nearly 6 hours later, she really feels like she had surgery this morning. This could be a very long night. She is a trooper though, a veteran of many medical procedures and will be alright. She is very relieved to have the lumps out of her body. A section was removed from the lymph area and two lumps were removed from her chest. We are hoping by Wednesday to hear from her surgeon about the pathology report. Then Friday morning Pam's oncologist meets with her to discuss the details of what is next. Thanks for praying her through this day.

Pam was well cared for as our friend Lisa scheduled herself on her day off to take care of Pam in both pre-op and post-op. That means so much to Pam and really helps her to get through a rather tough and surreal moment as her battle with cancer intensifies again. She has much confidence in her surgeon and oncologist and trusts they are taking all the right steps to help her battle this disease. Prior to surgery I snapped a pic of Pam and Lisa. Don't they look great? Again, don't be deceived, cancer isn't actually this glamorous and Pam doesn't even get to keep the gowns.

Pam Cancer Sequel Chap. 4

1 for 3, that would be a great batting average (.333) in the MLB, but not so great when only one of your three medical tests comes back seemingly clear. 1. The bone scan (see the bone scan machine eating Pam below) is a great test to pass and Pam's showed nothing suspicious so far (soon to be confirmed). 2. Chest CT, not perfectly clear. Would rather she have aced that test, but... A baseline measurement was made of something in her right lung that could very well be nothing and more tests are sure to follow. This is the normal life of the cancer patient, one test leads to another and to another with a lot of waiting in between. 3. Ultrasound, the test that was ordered after the others were planned, showed a round solid mass on the left side of her chest. This will be removed with the cancer in her lymph area on Monday. After it is dissected we'll find out what it is, probably late next week.

Pam is taking this all in stride. We aren't thrilled with the results of these tests, but it could have been much worse. The new findings have the potential to be absolutely nothing. Pam still has surgery on Monday and the plan is for it to be outpatient. Pre-op is always nice. We usually see Kathy (used to see Robin too) and pray together before surgery. Lisa plans to work on what should be her day off so she can take care of Pam in post-op. We really have good friends in the right places. We have Stephanie on retainer for emergency late night health issues (and shopping). ER doc Troy surprised Pam with a housecall last time through, on a night when she couldn't face the thought of a long wait in another doctor's waiting room. We are blessed.
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Pam is realistic about what lies ahead, she has had some experience here. We thought it was all over long ago (at least I thought it was, I even wrote that...boy was I wrong...click here and you can see how I ended Pam's cancer battle a long time ago and as a bonus you'll see how great she looks without hair.)
.

So I ask for a little prayer for my wife as she has surgery first thing Monday. I will let you know how it goes. Thanking you in advance.

Randy

I know this is a blog "just about Pam's cancer," but it isn't. Please, pray for Randy and the whole Shafer family right now. He has ministered to and mentored so many of us (and in Pam's case, as recently as Sunday evening, when he spent time just encouraging her as he himself labored to breathe freely). Thank you. Randy's blog is deeper and more revealing than anything I have ever read. Here it is if you are interested http://www.fogparty.blogs.com/



Watch in "high quality" if you can.

Pam cancer sequel chap. 3

This update about Pam begins with a plea for a friend of ours, Randy. Maybe you know him, maybe you don't, but he is an incredible friend and encourager to us and he is suffering greatly right now, so I am asking for prayer on his behalf (like right now). Pray for healing, comfort and peace. Thank you.

Today Pam met with her surgeon. She added a third test to next week for Pam (chest wall ultrasound to go with the bone scan and chest CT already scheduled). The fun of taking the tests will be forgotten as soon as they are complete and the waiting begins for the results (these tests really need to come back negative). On Dec. 8th Pam will have surgery to remove the tumors. If all goes well she will be in and out on the same day. Pam will have some limitations following her surgery for a few weeks. No driving or lifting. I am adding no shopping to the restriction list as well. It is for her own good. Then more waiting as the tumors are dissected. By Dec. 12th the pathology reports will be ready and Pam will get her first clue as to what type of treatment her oncologist will recommend. These are all big days for her and your prayers will be cherished.

This blog...why? People seem to have real concern for Pam and this is the easiest way to communicate how she is doing and ask for prayer from many people at once. Those who want to know how she is doing and how they can pray, can simply check here anytime. I have no idea how often I will post. Hopefully I will be done soon. Praying she doesn't have a repeat of her long drawn out experiences from 3 & 4 years ago. Personally I follow blogs of a few friends who are battling cancer & serious illnesses like Randy, Don, Lexi, Lanie, Rachel & Chris. I want to know how they are and I love to pray for them. So I am offering the same for my Pam.

Don't be confused, having cancer is not always as glamorous as these fancy blogs make it seem. Yes, you hobknob with wealthy, well-educated doctors. You have fabulously expensive machines devoted to you nearly every week. You get to taste some pretty exotic and expensive drugs that take you to far away lands and almost back again. You learn so many new vocabulary words you begin thinking you are smarter than you actually are because you suddenly know when to use the word metastatic instead of metastasize. (OK, even me, someone with a 95 IQ...not to brag, but that is nearly a perfect 100...has difficultly with some of the terminology, so don't be afraid to ask). Anyway, this blog is here and I hope you find the information helpful.

Pam and I help out a little at church with the kids ministry on Saturday evenings. Four years ago we were doing the same when Kevin Elder was teaching. He had the couple dozen kids come around Pam and pray over her. It is a memory we'll never forget and a moment we didn't think would happen again. Well last Saturday evening it did, on a big scale. Rick Rogy was teaching and gathered together the 55 2nd-3rd graders, the 46 4th-5th graders and a dozen or so adult leaders and they all prayed. Comforting, encouraging, uplifting...a wonderful moment in the middle of a rotten couple of weeks.

Pam cancer sequel chap. 2 (11/21/2008)

I suppose if you have gone through cancer or serious illness (yourself or with a relative), you'll understand the first part of this email. Pam's experience the first time around taught to me to take notes. Let me share with you my notes from today so you can get a feel for the cancer patient visiting the doctors office (you have to hate going to any doctor, but when his office is called Peoria CANCER Center, double that). Also I should mention Pam really likes her oncologist.

Notes:
*
Doctor enters, says "Good to see you Pam...
...I mean bad to see you."
*
Doctor says "This is a local recurrance of your previous cancer, local is good...
...but this is serious."
*
Doctor says "The pattern of the spreading of this cancer is expected...
...however, your case is not common."
*
Doctor says "The PET and CT scans showed that the cancer is contained in the lymphnodes which is much better than a metastatic recurrance in say the bones or lungs...
...but PET/CT scans don't alway light up these types of slow growing cells,
so let's schedule you for a bone scan and CAT scan."
*
Doctor says "This is likely the least-worst situation...
...but it is serious." (used the S word twice!)
*
Doctor says "I recommend surgery to remove the nodes. The nodes will be dissected giving clearer direction as to follow up treatments such as radiation and/or hormone therapy...
...and/or chemotherapy or all three." (Chemo is a bad, bad word in Pam's cancer world.)
*
good/bad/good/bad/good/bad...argh.

Now, I may have quoted her doctor's words out of order, but you get my drift. It is a recurrance of her original cancer from 4 years ago. It looks as though it is the best situation as far as the location of the recurrance for treatment. Her doctor will proceed with more tests to gain a certainty with what she actually has going on within her before establishing a treatment plan. That is greatly appreciated after what Pam experienced before. So, more tests, more appointments, a little surgery and as yet to be determined treatment...Happy Holidays!

It may seem odd to some that we throw Pam's medical information out so openly. It is simple. Our faith is very important. Part of that faith is the understanding that prayer comforts and heals. It is very encouraging to know people are praying. So I harness a little fraction of the www and send out the information, selfishly hoping some will pray. Thank you to those who do.

I didn't post this on a blog yet (yes I did)... seems like that would be giving in (guess I did). The blond in the pic above is Pam. She is handling this quite well, though some folks wonder. When you have cancer, you find yourself in the hospital, a doctors office, or diagnostic center a lot. There are a lot of germs in those places. In the past 7 days Pam has been in 5 different medical facilities. At some point she picked up a cold and lost her voice. She also ended up with pink eye. So if you see her, it will look like she has been crying. If you hear her on the phone, she will sound terrifically distressed. Don't worry, she is doing very well considering.

Thanks for the concern and the prayers.

Pam cancer sequel chap. 1 (11/19/2008)

Around three years ago I brought to an end the email chronicle of Pam's experience with cancer and the treatment that followed. She has dealt with a little list of problems since, but we really believed she had overcome the actual cancer. Pam is 3 years and 8 months past chemotherapy and had been convinced she would reach the coveted 5 years clear. Those thoughts were dashed in a short phone call received while in the WMBD TV 31 news studio late yesterday afternoon. So I am back to writing what I never expected to again, details of Pam's battle.

We don't know a lot about what is going on within her, but will soon. What we know and will share is that a little over a week ago Pam discovered a lump or two in the lymph area under her left arm. Being prudent, she called her doctor who sent her for a sonogram last Thursday. In an all too "2004ish" familiar way, the doctor that read the sonogram said something like "it is probably nothing but let's do a biopsy." Very similar to what Pam heard from her initial doctor's appointment 4 years ago. I placed a picture of Pam above, she looks great. This is from Sunday (16th), the day before her birthday, also the day of her biopsy. Let this picture serve as a lesson, you can't judge a book by it's cover. The results of the biopsy Monday were delivered to her cell phone as we waited with our Erin in the studio for her much anticipated stint as the weather kid with Chuck Collins yesterday. Bad timing, bad delivery mode, but Pam really wanted to know. The beautiful sunshine of yesterday had her really up and convinced the tests would say all clear. So Pam calmly accepted the news and spent the next hour as the picture of composure while our kids enjoyed the "news" experience. It will be a day we never forget for a couple of reasons.

Hopefully by Friday we'll know what is happening within Pam...is this a recurrence?...is this a new cancer?...is it nothing (wouldn't that be a nice answer to prayer!)? I will likely move this info to a blog and if you want to know what's up, you'll have a place to go to find out.

This email had a couple of purposes. 1) Let you know (and share...my contact box is limited), 2) and to ask you to pray for Pam.