We are strong...tired, but strong

How bad are things in your family when you get to be an example of how God, through His power, can carry you through life? We are the sad family I suppose. We were part of the Easter program at Northwoods Community Church last weekend. Being in the program wasn't so easy for Pam, although she made it look so. Our family message was simply spelled out on the two sides of our signs. A wonderful non-speaking role for us, and our hope was simply to encourage others with our story of what this world has dealt us and of how God has stepped in and kept us strong. We were encouraged by the other 20 messages, from shared cancer battles to direct struggles with God and/or religion to simply striving to know Him better. The weekend wore us out and lifted us up all at the same time. We sincerely thank God for all he does for us.

Pam, ever the slave to fashion, was forced to throw on her Asics to manage the many trips up and down the backstage staircase. Her love of expensive and fashionable shoes (which she had to find fellow shoe connoisseur Rachel to show) conflicted a bit with the mainstage schedule of practice several times, then add in several more practices followed by a few more to keep things sharp. She had a backstage chair to rest as well. What you can't see on her smiling face is how little rest/sleep she actually gets these days. One of the major effects of the chemotherapy. Most days I see her at 4AMish, still awake from the previous day as I am awaking for the current one. Her mind will let her body sleep for a few restless hours and then she pushes herself to walk with a friend or two, or get to her doctors appointment or make the march to the cancer center for treatment. It's not the ideal life, there probably won't be a funny and uplifting sitcom modeled after it, but it is her life right now. Here is our friend Stephanie, still sporting her hair a couple weeks after her first chemo treatment while working at church with the kids and volunteers last weekend. These two are painting the wrong picture of cancer with their smiles. Or is it the right picture? There were no pics or funny stories from treatment last Wednesday. A rough day there for Pam. It was crowded once again and too noisy for Pam to rest and it was just a matter of getting through and getting home.

As I (not the patient, but quite involved) see it, going through cancer treatment is like: driving home to IL from FL after your vacation. You were all geared up to drive there, but the drive home, while necessary, just stinks and takes forever and exhausts you. Or: you take your wife to an early season Cubs game and it goes into extra innings, and it starts to get dark, and the wind that made her cold before, has her freezing, and the guy in front of you is smoking a cigar, and the game you were all amped up to go to is now the game you just want to end, and finally in the 14th inning you just leave, and then in the 15th the Cubs win. Or: you start a home repair and it snowballs and takes too much time and money and energy, and you just want it done. Treatment is just that awful time between the adrenaline of the beginning and the satisfaction of the end. A couple hours of sleep some days. Headaches that won't relent. Opportunities passed that the lack of energy prevents participation in. ***all that said, this treatment has been far, way far more tolerable than the first time, not complaining, just describing***

So I pray for energy, for sleep and rest, for healing. I thank God for friends and family and good doctors and nurses and medicine. I also thank Him for guiding us through this and gifting us as we go with memories and experiences we wouldn't have had otherwise.

random pod closures

You would think cancer treatment centers might be immune from the economic downturn. Think again. There are three treatment pods and each is being closed about 2 days a week now, too few patients. It would be wonderful to think there is just less cancer suddenly, but the reality might be that people are putting off treatments or just not going to the doctor entirely. Don't know, just dishing out my thoughts.

Pam marched herself in for another Wednesday treatment. It's beautiful outside today, warm and sunny. The sun even managed to shower down around Pam inside the building as she checked in for her labwork. Now she is sleeping, taking her meds, inching her way closer to being done with chemo. This is the first treatment day that our kids have not been in school. They caught a fantastic break as the Benson's took them both last night and through today. It's a sure thing they are having a great time, and that really helps Pam rest. It's tough for Pam to think of what goes through our kids minds as she fights this cancer. How afraid are they? What are they thinking? We don't really know.

Our kids haven't been sick this year. Josh hasn't been sick in a couple of years, something he is quite proud of. It's really good timing for them to be healthy as Pam needs to avoid germs as much as possible. Last Saturday, Pam took Erin home from church early, she wasn't feeling well at all. By the time they reached home she had a fever and soon threw up. Uh-oh. Josh wasn't feeling well either, but had milder symptoms. Erin rebounded quite quickly and by Monday seemed well. Yesterday, before the dropoff at the Benson house, Pam wanted to be sure Erin was well enough to stay (didn't want to spread anything to her awesome Chinese host family), so she took her to the doctor. Kids doctors offices are germ factories, so Pam suited up appropriately. I doubt anyone noticed as she took her self portrait with her phone. Pam can pull off any style. Oh man, thinking of that reminds me I need to get to Dick's to pick out my Easter outfit. I'm the only one not ready.

Ruthie encouraged us with this passage this week. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds' feet, and He will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments. Hab. 3:18-19

3 tries, guess her weight

IN THE DIGITAL WORLD, ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED YELLING. WELL, WE DON'T have to yell at Pam quite as much for her to hear things this week. Her two weeks off from treatment helped her regain some hearing. The ringing is still there, but the muffled sounds in the left ear are far better. She met with the audiologist this week to get a baseline established and her hearing will be checked prior to each treatment now. Overall she was just relieved that it seems to have gotten better as she got farther away from the last treatment.

Ask Pam what the worst part of going to her treatment is and you might be surprised...the weigh in. Yep. A rather disgruntled Pam got on the scale for the nurse yesterday and didn't like the results. (10 more lbs. and she might be at a normal weight, YIKES!) Next her blood pressure was taken and then Pam asked if she could disrobe a bit and re-weigh. I figure getting on the scale is one of the few free things in the building, so I was all for it. She managed to drop a couple pounds, but I could see she still wasn't satisfied. The nurse lead us to Pam's room to await the doctor. While there she realized that using the restroom might help to lower her weight some more. So she peeled off her excess clothing, hit the bathroom and popped out to weigh herself again. So in all she dropped about 3 lbs. from first weight to third. It was an entertaining moment for the nurses.

Pam's blood numbers were again solid and her exam went ok, so she was given the go on the start of her third cycle of four (treatment 7 of 12). She has offically passed the halfway point of chemo and it has really gone well. In three weeks some tests will be performed to judge better the effectiveness of these treatments. The actual treatment went smoothly. Nothing to note. Pam settled in and tried to do a little journaling. She sent just a few of her strange texts and made one call to our friend Stephanie who is probably just finishing her first dose of chemo as I type today. Join us in prayer for her. She has joined the ranks of breast cancer patient just recently. The journal you see Pam writing in is just full of people to pray for. She adds names regularly. Her "retired" lifestyle enables her to have more time to pray for others, one of the few positives of her cancer experience. Praying, a little walking, brief appearances at dance class or track meets, a couple hours at church...that's about all Pam has the energy for these days.

Another plus was being able to attend the FCA luncheon on Monday together. Our host was our friend Kathy Arkwell and it was a solid good time. AZ Cardinals QB Kurt Warner was the speaker. He has a great speaking style and plenty of material (non-football) with 7 kids, ages 3-19. The jist was simple. We are all motivated by something, whether it be money, food, fame, etc. So whatever we strive for, strive for excellence. So if money is your motivation, go for it in an excellent way. Love food? Really eat excellently...wait a minute, did I even listen to anything? This can't have been the message. Please, give me a do-over, Kurt is a man who loves Jesus. He strives to do his best in everything he does because of C323. He was very encouraging to all of us in attendance as he hobbled around, a week after hip surgery. He did an excellent job.

Finally, Gina came to hang with Pam for a while and brought some scarves to share. She used an international male supermodel (who wouldn't sign the pic release) to show some tying styles. Thanks Gina.

Thanks for all the prayers, the encouraging cards and notes, the walks, the calls, the texts, sending the cleaning ladies to our house (thanks Mossville School), food, kid watching, the list goes on. Pam is (we are) really lifted up by you all.