We are strong...tired, but strong

How bad are things in your family when you get to be an example of how God, through His power, can carry you through life? We are the sad family I suppose. We were part of the Easter program at Northwoods Community Church last weekend. Being in the program wasn't so easy for Pam, although she made it look so. Our family message was simply spelled out on the two sides of our signs. A wonderful non-speaking role for us, and our hope was simply to encourage others with our story of what this world has dealt us and of how God has stepped in and kept us strong. We were encouraged by the other 20 messages, from shared cancer battles to direct struggles with God and/or religion to simply striving to know Him better. The weekend wore us out and lifted us up all at the same time. We sincerely thank God for all he does for us.

Pam, ever the slave to fashion, was forced to throw on her Asics to manage the many trips up and down the backstage staircase. Her love of expensive and fashionable shoes (which she had to find fellow shoe connoisseur Rachel to show) conflicted a bit with the mainstage schedule of practice several times, then add in several more practices followed by a few more to keep things sharp. She had a backstage chair to rest as well. What you can't see on her smiling face is how little rest/sleep she actually gets these days. One of the major effects of the chemotherapy. Most days I see her at 4AMish, still awake from the previous day as I am awaking for the current one. Her mind will let her body sleep for a few restless hours and then she pushes herself to walk with a friend or two, or get to her doctors appointment or make the march to the cancer center for treatment. It's not the ideal life, there probably won't be a funny and uplifting sitcom modeled after it, but it is her life right now. Here is our friend Stephanie, still sporting her hair a couple weeks after her first chemo treatment while working at church with the kids and volunteers last weekend. These two are painting the wrong picture of cancer with their smiles. Or is it the right picture? There were no pics or funny stories from treatment last Wednesday. A rough day there for Pam. It was crowded once again and too noisy for Pam to rest and it was just a matter of getting through and getting home.

As I (not the patient, but quite involved) see it, going through cancer treatment is like: driving home to IL from FL after your vacation. You were all geared up to drive there, but the drive home, while necessary, just stinks and takes forever and exhausts you. Or: you take your wife to an early season Cubs game and it goes into extra innings, and it starts to get dark, and the wind that made her cold before, has her freezing, and the guy in front of you is smoking a cigar, and the game you were all amped up to go to is now the game you just want to end, and finally in the 14th inning you just leave, and then in the 15th the Cubs win. Or: you start a home repair and it snowballs and takes too much time and money and energy, and you just want it done. Treatment is just that awful time between the adrenaline of the beginning and the satisfaction of the end. A couple hours of sleep some days. Headaches that won't relent. Opportunities passed that the lack of energy prevents participation in. ***all that said, this treatment has been far, way far more tolerable than the first time, not complaining, just describing***

So I pray for energy, for sleep and rest, for healing. I thank God for friends and family and good doctors and nurses and medicine. I also thank Him for guiding us through this and gifting us as we go with memories and experiences we wouldn't have had otherwise.