Hard to swallow pills Chap. 6

Of all the hard times Pam has experienced, this week ranks pretty high. It was one experience to go through cancer the first time. It is oddly the same and dramatically different the second. The emotions, fears and physical trials are all at a higher level. The surgery Monday was successful as the tumors that were discovered were all removed. These tumors by the way, were all discovered by Pam herself. Though she was confident she had beaten the original cancer, she has been diligent these past three years, checking for anything unusual. She first discovered the lump in the lymph area a few weeks ago and a sonogram and biopsy confirmed it. She then found the two other tumors in a different area after the first was confirmed. The tests ordered after the first tumor, PET and chest CT, never lit up the second two tumors. They only showed up with an addtional ultrasound after Pam's discovery. So, there is a lesson there.

This very long and difficult week culminated at an appointment with her oncologist this morning. It was confirmed that all the tumors were cancerous (no scar tissue as hoped). There is cancer in the lymphnodes and lower on her left chest. We had a very good and lengthy discussion and a suggestion was given as to what type of treatment should be most effective. Radition is not an option, leaving chemotherapy and hormone therapy on the board. Pam has a couple weeks of resting and consideration, then we'll meet again with her doctor to finalize the plan. Treatments would begin shortly after the 1st of the year.

Much of the discussion we had centered around the multitude of problems Pam had during and after chemotherapy the first time. To this day she is still battling the damage done by the original chemo. Her doctor is very understanding and any treatment will be custom tailored to her, not standard protocol. Drugs will be different. Administration will be different. He also said that at any point he could stop the process if it looks like a replay of before. Mildly reassuring, but just talking about it made Pam physically sick. The old aversion, to the cancer center building, reignited as we talked. Tough day ending a tough week.

We have spent a lot of time in doctors office waiting rooms. This morning we were in two, and one even had a view. We'll be in them more and more in the months to come. Pam will do what she must to beat her cancer. She will rely on those who care to pray. She asks for specific prayer that the chronic pain and physical damage she has dealt with since the first chemo will be healed...or at a minimum not worsened by the treatment that is coming.

Another prayer is that our kids be protected through this. At 8 and 12, they have a rather good understanding of cancer. They witnessed Pam go through it before and we have several friends battling it now. They know a lot, and knowledge can be scary. So we will do whatever we can to keep their routines the same and news of what Pam is going through real, but optimistic, because we are. Things will be tough but OK.

Our social life has been affected as well. We used to not have one, now we actually talk to people we aren't related to. Go figure.