At the risk of sounding depressing...

15 down, 22 radiation treatments to go. Everyday, the same thing. The fifteen minute procedure takes the entire morning when you consider the drive there and back and the little bit of waiting. The fatigue that was advertised to go with the radiation has set in. Pam is finding it harder and harder to do things. She never really regained any energy after chemo in the first place. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, yada.



In the past couple of weeks, besides the daily treatment ritual, Pam has done a few other things in a limited sense. She made it to the Relay for Life in Chillicothe, barely. The survivors march started a few minutes early and we arrived as they were lining up. She made her lap in non-record time, losing to all but about two of the other survivors. It is like she didn't even try to beat any of them around the track. I was tempted to yell "DIG, USE YOUR ARMS, NOW!" but I realized I wasn't actually supposed to coach her and it wasn't really a race (although I do think she could have done pretty well, there were only a few people younger than her running in the race...I mean walking the survivors lap). It was a nice evening. Pam isn't usually a big Relayer, not sure why. She is more motivated to do the St. Jude events. I suppose it's because she doesn't want the attention.

Our anniversary was one week ago. We celebrated it at Josh's baseball game. The week prior we had gone to a movie, so we called it good. We were married in 1991, that was last century. But as much as things have changed since then, a lot of the things have stayed the same. On our wedding night we stayed in the bridal suite at Jumer's in Peoria. We were there only a few minutes when Pam asked if I wanted to order Domino's. Pam has pretty much survived off of pizza ever since. It is the one food she has always maintained a taste for. We were crazy healthy people then and when we said our traditional vows of "in sickness and in health," I have to tell you, I never figured we would be dealing with "in sickness" when I said it. Two days after the wedding we were driving to Miami. I humbled myself and admitted to Pam that I was too tired to drive at one point. So she took over. I awoke when my body sensed the car slowing. My eyes opened and focused on the speedometer needle that was dropping, yet hadn't hit 90 mph yet. I have no idea how high it had gone. Like I said, some things never change. Things are difficult these days, but we will get through, firm in the same faith in God we had back then when George Bush was president (the first one).

Pam is missing her favorite season right now. She can't really enjoy being out in the heat. That is tough for her, she LOVES summer. The chemo drug Taxol has continued to work as she is in the process of losing all of her fingernails. Her hair is beginning to return, kind of blond (last time after chemo it came back almost black). She is hoping her eyebrows and eyelashes come back soon. Still some blood in her nose from the Avastin. Her doctors said her power-port could come out anytime, but they recommend she keep it in for a little longer, just in case. She opted out of the permanent tattoo markings for the radiation, not wanting another lifelong reminder of all of this, so she has large X's drawn with Sharpie's and covered with clear plastic adhesive disks on her torso for the duration (they are used to line up the lasers that define the radiation field...pretty important). If you really asked her she would tell you she just wants to be normal again. The fun of being the cancer patient has worn thin.

The fatigue is doing her in and starting this week she is getting rides to radiation. It is wonderful to have a community of friends willing to help. She/we couldn't get through this without you all.

"But you dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit." Jude 20