Comfortably Numb

Monday was treatment number 2. It went quite well. Three pre-chemo drugs still, but just one chemo. In at 8AM(ish) and out at 2PM. Looks like six hours will be the norm for four of the treatments and eight hours for the other eight. A clearer plan of the treatment schedule was calculated Monday and it only took us 6 hours and talks with one doctor, one friend (who happens to be a drug rep/cancer patient) and two nurses to understand it. Pam had taken extra "calming" meds Monday, so she wasn't tracking very well. I have a video that I am not allowed to post that would clearly show the mellow side of Pam, the Pink Floyd comfy numb Pam. She needs to stay pretty numb for me to get away with posting it. The two non-blue dot pics are frames from that video taken Monday. I took just one photo Monday, but neither Pam, nor her buddy Gina K. would sign the release for me to use the unedited shot. We make the best of the therapy days. It isn't the most fun place to be and last Monday Pam was clearly the youngest one in the pod by probably 20 years, depressing.

Like I said, the schedule has been set. Sadly it took me the same six hours to understand it and I don't take any drugs. I can't even figure out what day it is about half the time. I am just glad there aren't any embarassing videos of me that could end up on the internet. The schedule...12 treatments total, 4 sets of 4. Each set, #1 & #3 taxol/avastin, #2 just taxol, #4...nothing, a week off. Assuming she stays healthy and can make each treatment, her last day of chemo will be May 13th.

Pam is still pretty healthy. Her blood numbers remained high after round one. They are expected to begin to noticably drop starting now. So if you have an illness, Pam will have to avoid you. Her body can't battle infections from this point on. Her energy level, which has stayed pretty high, will also diminish soon. She is not sleeping well. However, this is not newsworthy, actually normal for Pam. She has also maintained an appetite. All good.

What is hardest to control are the emotions. As each chemotherapy draws near, the sleepless nights are spent thinking. Those thoughts are a constant battle. Monday morning I entered the bathroom, knowing Pam hadn't slept. When I looked at the mirror it had eight 2x3 post-its stuck to it that weren't there the night before. Each contained a verse written on it (Zeph. 3:17, Phil. 4:13, Isa. 41:10, Isa.40:31, 2 Cor. 1:3-4, Phil. 4:7, Phil. 4:8, and Psalm 107:1). She was preparing herself, reminding herself that God is with her through this trial.

There are many hard parts of dealing with cancer. Showing strength and peace through this isn't easy, but necessary. Two very important sets of eyes are up-close witnesses to all of this, for the second time in four years. Josh and Erin were 8 and 5 when the worst cancer and chemo had to offer visited our home. Thankfully, at 12 and 9, they are seeing the chemo experience we had heard of but Pam never personally experienced. Managable treatments (so far). That is a blessing we hope continues, both for Pam and for the kids who are on this ride as well. She desperately needs to do this entire cycle of treatments. It needs to continue this well. Thanks for that specific prayer.

I write this blog specifically about Pam, but with the knowledge that everyone has battles they are in (health, financial, spiritual, marital, etc.). One thing that gnaws at Pam and really bothers her is that her situation forces her to think of herself way more than she cares to. Sometimes she needs to just talk it out, but more and more she needs to be distracted. She needs to use this odd gift of cancer to encourage others. So if you are talking to her and she changes the subject from how she is doing to how you are doing, or what she can pray for for you, she means it. It is healthy for her. She is being blessed by so many people serving her and praying for her, and she needs the opportunity to return that blessing by using some of her sleepless thinking time to think of and pray for others. Let her know.